This is how we do it: ‘Since menopause, my sex drive has disappeared’

Ali, 58, reports that since menopause, her sex drive has disappeared entirely, leading to emotional distress and changes in her relationship with her partner James, 65. Her experience underscores the widespread issue of menopause-related sexual changes and their impact on women’s mental health and relationships.

Ali explains that her loss of libido is primarily mental rather than physical, describing a diminished interest in intimacy, kissing, and touching. She states that her feelings of grief over her lost sexuality are compounded by her desire to be alone, which prompted her to move out of her shared home with James. Ali attributes her emotional state to menopause, grief over her mother’s death, her sons leaving home, and perimenopause symptoms.

James describes that they still engage in intimacy, but less frequently, and have adapted by exploring new ways of being close, such as baths and holding hands. He emphasizes that emotional intimacy remains strong, but Ali’s decreased sex drive has created feelings of insecurity and questions about their future together. Both acknowledge the changes are linked to menopause, though they are still navigating their relationship dynamics.

Why It Matters

This story highlights the emotional and relational toll of menopause-related sexual changes, emphasizing the importance of understanding and communication for women and their partners. It underscores a common but often overlooked aspect of menopause, which can significantly impact mental health and relationship stability.

Background

Menopause typically occurs around age 50 and is associated with hormonal shifts that can affect libido, mood, and physical health. Many women report a decline in sexual desire during this period, though experiences vary widely. The accounts of Ali and James reflect broader patterns of emotional complexity and relationship adjustments faced by women and their partners during menopause.

“Any pressure to have sex doesn’t come from James – it comes from within, from a fear of complete loss.”

— Ali

“The older I get, the more I realize how important intellectual stimulation is. In terms of emotional intimacy and affection, Ali and I have never been stronger.”

— James

“I don’t know why you want to be with me. Why don’t you just have sex with someone else?”

— Ali

What Remains Unclear

It remains unclear how widespread these experiences are across different demographics, and what specific medical or psychological interventions might best support women experiencing similar issues. The long-term effects on relationships and mental health are also still being studied.

What’s Next

Experts suggest ongoing research into menopause’s impact on sexuality and increased support for women and couples through counseling and medical options. Future developments may include tailored therapies and greater societal awareness of menopause’s emotional aspects.

Key Questions

Is loss of libido common during menopause?

Yes, many women experience a decline in sexual desire during menopause due to hormonal changes, though individual experiences vary widely.

Can menopause-related libido loss be treated?

Various treatments, including hormone therapy, counseling, and lifestyle changes, may help manage symptoms, but effectiveness depends on individual circumstances.

How can partners support women experiencing this change?

Open communication, emotional support, and exploring new forms of intimacy can help couples navigate changes in sexual desire during menopause.

Does menopause always lead to a complete loss of sex drive?

No, experiences vary; some women maintain or even increase their libido, while others experience significant declines.